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I think that the world’s best Thanksgiving must be, Thanksgiving in Florida on Siesta Key. Thanksgiving in Florida with nine kids, to boot: Our three kids, six cousins, and way too much cute. My wife’s mom and dad, plus her brother and sis, Their spouses, and me — family vacation bliss! We went for the blue skies and powder-white sand. We had a full week of relaxation planned. We didn’t foresee the problem we’d have here: That nine kids will come with nine kids’ worth of gear....
At breakfast. Charlie, 7: "Daddy, do you love me?" Me: "Of course I do!" "How much?" "Why, I would do anything for you! I would hop in my spaceship and fly to the moon and back just to give you a hug. I'd swim to the bottom of the deepest ocean just to -" "Can we buy a horse?" "I - a what?" "A horse. I could ride it places, like to get ice cream." "Ah. Well, no, we can't buy a horse." "Why not??" "Well, horses are very expensive, and they need a lot of room to run. And the...
Shortly before daybreak on July 18th, Two sharp, tiny claws bored a hole in the ground. And crawling up from his dark birthplace beneath, A white nymph emerged without making a sound. Then, knowing not why - some deep instinct, I s'pose, He found a tall maple and started to climb. Soon, into bright sunlight young Albert arose, And found himself 30 feet high in no time. The instinct that told him to climb now said, "Stop!" So Albert latched onto the dry, ragged bark. And...
Dear Colleagues, It is with great excitement that I write to tender my resignation from our organization, effective immediately. While I've enjoyed my tenure among you, I've decided to accept a more appealing offer from the competition. This other group offers a looser, more lively corporate culture and a free-flowing, collaborative working style. What's more, they've eschewed much of the red tape that defines the working experience for so many of us. I've been watching them...
Picture a hammock: blue, suspended between two maples. From the end of the hammock protrude two feet. They are well-tanned and have not seen a shoe in days. Sunlight glistens through the swaying pine branches beyond, dancing across the lake on a million tiny waves. The Internet scarcely touches this part of Wisconsin's northwoods; even the most urgent email is powerless to penetrate the pines. Oh Outlook, where is thy ping? It's family week here for four parents, three...
"Welcome to the Hinsdale Community Pool! It's a scorcher out here today, Diane, and the competition is really heating up!" "You're right there, Bill. If you're just joining us, we've already seen some spectacular performances. Over in the shallow end, Henry and Reagan secured gold by throwing all four of their shoes into the pool in under 9 seconds." "Were points awarded for shooting between Grandpa's legs while he listened to his audiobook?" "Involving Grandpa is a hit with...
On Thursday morning, the alarms went off. All of them. Every cell phone. Every egg timer. Every theft alert in every Walgreens, Walmart, Best Buy and bank. In an instant, every man, woman and child was awash in the clanging, clicking, beeping, buzzing, trilling, chiming, whooping, squealing cacophony that blanketed the Earth. Sump pump alarms sent homeowners scrambling to the basement and crashing through dusty cardboard boxes, wondering if maybe it wasn't time to start Marie...
